Favorite Winter Things

Being cozy inside and drinking coffee while reading or watching movies

Thanksgiving and Christmas
Making, smelling, and eating lots of food

Bright, cheery lights and the smell of freshly cut Christmas trees

Being the first to walk in freshly fallen snow

Fuzzy socks and flannel pj’s

Wrapping presents and imagining someone’s face as the open them

Surprises and opening presents

Arranging all the Christmas cards in one spot so they can all be seen

Cute scarves and soft sweaters

Friends, family, and laughter

Sledding and being silly, then the feeling of warming up by fireplaces

Perfect snowflakes that land on the window or on your eyelashes

Baking and making the whole house smell good
Going ice skating

Remembering on a Rainy Ride in Canada

Twelve years ago I was riding in a red van on a snowy day in Canada. It is curious that I've found my thoughts wander there on this rainy night, again in Canada and in a grey van not so different from the red one. I was quite preoccupied by coloring with the pencils that were a gift from my grandpa the year before, and blissfully ignorant of what was about to take place. So many things happened in the next moments, my mind can't help but think of everything at once.
"Gerry!" I heard my mom say with an urgency that I felt more than heard. I involuntarily lurched in my seat, and a ride I'll never forget followed: I saw the terror on my mothers face, looking from me to my dad and back again, and felt the cold, wet snow spray mine. I had a feeling of being suspended and terrifying thoughts of dying in a fire flew through my mind. Gripping my seat, I saw what can only be described as "bright" and felt power surround me. Even my six-year-old mind knew that there were forces greater than me present. At some point during our rollover roller-coaster I remember seeing billows of white and what I imagined could only be an angel fighting death for me and my family. I don't remember other details of what happened while we were in motion.
"Did that really just happen? What exactly happened anyway?" My thoughts were spinning faster than the car spinning through the air, "was that really an angel I saw? What..."
"My door is stuck I can't get out..." My mom said, interrupting my thoughts."
All the "important" details after that are hazy at best. Try as I might to remember, all I can think of is silly little things. Details only a six-year-old would care to find important.
I talked to my dad about all my Polly Pockets being scattered across the highway, and about looking for my despised snow boots that I had kicked off some time earlier. We found my boots - after we found a bottle of ketchup that had escaped the cooler somewhere during the spin - and heard my mom calling for her purse and gloves which had apparently jumped-van.
Not long after crawling out of the now totaled vehicle I found myself carried away - quite literally - by a strange man who put me in his car, wrapped his jacket around my shoulders, and placed my tiny toes, which had gotten very cold, into his warm gloves. He sat next to me for a few moments before leaving to do who knows what. I sat there bewildered about everything that had just happened, but mostly I pondered the strangeness of seeing my feet hidden inside the strange man's large gloves.
Some time later I was told that the strange man was actually an off-duty officer who had witnessed our van spin around and roll three times, before coming to rest on its wheels in the freeway median. Caused from being hit by a semi-truck, right outside where I was sitting inside the van. The big huge truck and tiny little me separated only by the metal frame. Well, that and the power of God.
All witnesses said that the three of us should have died, yet we all crawled out without so much as a broken bone.
Why God interceded for us twelve years ago, I don't know. But near death experiences can make one reexamine life and the purpose for living. Even though it happened two-thirds of my life ago, I still remember. I was too young to realize everything God did that day, but I begin to see it now. God is good and He saved my life. Given that life is a gift from him and there are things He has planned out for me to do, I want to live entirely and completely sold out for Him. Trusting Him with my life because quite honestly, it is in His hands regardless.

Blessings,
Tiffany Raye

Rediscovering Love in a Valley

Life has mountains; life has valleys. Often times I believe that in order to feel the presence of something we must first experience its absence. Many Christians - me being the worst - grow up "knowing" the truths about Jesus and His love and forgiveness, but so often never feel His love until after straying and returning. In order to truly know what forgiveness is and how to give it to others we have to first have to have had the need to be forgiven. To feel true acceptance, we first have to have been accepted ourselves; with all our faults, to have been forgiven and accepted. In order to feel real, true love, we first have to have felt and seen what real love does.

Real love is that 1 Corinthians 13 stuff: selfless and relentless. Real love is what made Jesus die on the cross for us wretched sinners. Before we can truly love, we have to know what it is to be loved. To be loved is to be forgiven of all sins and accepted for who you are. Jesus is love and is the reason we have love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

All growing up I lived in a very "Christian" atmosphere. Going to church, learning right from wrong, and never getting into any real trouble. Extremely blessed by my lack of trouble making I figured I was pretty good in my own right. I got baptized after seeing the Power Team deliver their salvation message. They told me that I had to believe that Jesus died for my sins, that I had to ask Him into my heart, and that He would wash all my sins away. Being the child I was, I knew I believed Jesus died. I mean that's what EVERYONE around me believed and told me I should believe too. So I did. There was never a great moment when I said to myself  "I believe" because I already did and always had. Since there was no time when I didn't believe that Jesus existed and my life never went through the about face so many people's testimonies include, I thought that "when I was a sinner" stuff didn't really apply to me. I had simple faith and asked to be baptized. I wanted the affirmation from my friends and family that I was going to Heaven and hey, who is a seven year-old to refuse attention? I always heard testimonies and Bible stories about God's unchanging, unfailing, undeserved love and forgiveness. But not wanting to confront it I pushed the sin and the Savior into a mental corner. I wanted them to shut up and stop bugging me about how I was doing things wrong and have known better since I was little. The mind doesn't seem to have very reliable corners though because during times when my head was spinning in circles, God jumped out of the corner to make everything complicated and take all the fun out of life.

That was so far from the truth. The truth I could only let sink in after I asked God out of the mental corner I has selfishly stuffed Him in. How hateful could I be?! After knowing full well everything He did for me I still had the cruelty to push Him aside. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that everything He did for me, He did out of love. Still I favored my own agenda but claimed Him as my Savior.

If someone asked me a Biblical question, I usually had a ready answer. Not because I had experienced it but because that's what I had been taught all my life. It wasn't until I entered high school that I learned what it was to really fail. To feel undeserving. Pitiful and useless, and not good for much. There I felt the absence of God's love. Not because it went away - it had always been there! - but because I chose to ignore it. All of a sudden, all the things I had ever done wrong were staring me in the face. Not being able to ignore them anymore I finally realized that the "while I was a sinner stuff" really does apply to me! I realized exactly what people meant when they said we are undeserving of God's love. And finally! Finally I grasped the fact that I will NEVER be able to grasp just how great God's love is for me. That's when I realized how unfailing He is. So many things could have happened to me during moments of foolishness, yet He protected me. So there I stood at the point where I needed forgiveness desperately. I wanted to feel completely accepted by someone who would never change their mind on me. So I looked up from the grave I had dug myself into. At last I went to God with everything I had. Not keeping one hand lifted in praise and one hand on the steering wheel, but in an "I throw my hands up in the air... sayin' ay oh, gotta let go." and oh what a beautiful place to be!
Praying "Jesus, please forgive me. You've humbled me and now I ask you to accept me as I am. It's all I have to give and I want it all to be Yours."
"You are forgiven child. I love you."

There I felt the love, forgiveness, and acceptance I wanted so badly. The love I had all along but didn't realize was there until I pushed it away. Why must we get so low in our valleys before we realize that we've left the mountain? Whatever our reason is, I thank God that He is richer in grace than I am in mistakes.

Blessings,
Tiffany Raye

Summer Thoughts

So many thoughts drift through my mind as I begin this post, each one tumbling over another, begging to be put to words. Thoughts of all that happened over this summer tied with imaginings of what God has in my future. I don't remember there ever being a season in my life in which I've learned so much.

This summer I went on a mission trip to San Quintin, Mexico then stayed ten days in Temecula, California. Both such stark contrasts to each other, I kept finding my focus drifting to various thoughts about why some people are more "blessed" than others and why everyone can't have both the beautiful friendships of Mexico all inside the wonderful comforts of a typical California home. Why do so many Americans continue on complaining about their first world problems such as not having the pocket change to fix the scratch in their Mercedes while only a five hour car ride going south to a place where people would love to have any kind of car at all! Despite me and my scattered thoughts of life's injustices, God continued to show me that no matter what, He always provides. Not in the same way for everybody, but always He provides, so often with more than enough.

Picture I took in Tadoussac, Canada along the St Lawrence

I want to tell you about everything all at once! As I struggle to continue putting my thoughts of the summer and what happened into words I pause to examine why I desire to put what I feel into words. Why I want so desperately to share with you the experiences that made up my summer. Maybe because I'm the kind of person who thinks good things are meant to be shared. Perhaps it's because I want to share my experiences with you so that you might learn from them. Or maybe even it's because I myself understand things better when put to words. Whatever the reason for my desire to write, God reminded me that in the big scheme of things my words don't even matter; His words matter! No matter what pictures I paint, or sounds I play with my words, they are just noise if His love is not included in them. (1 Corinthians 13) So being successfully knocked off my self-righteous pedestal built by selfish ego I am on my knees in prayer begging God to let you see not me in these words but that you'd see a mirror reflecting my Creator. It is so easy to get caught up in all the "good things" we are doing and completely forget about why we are doing them in the first place. I don't want to forget that the focus of everything I do should be on showing and experiencing God's love.

Honored as I am that you made time to read my silly ramblings I pray you make time to read God's word. Anything I write is simply my commentary on what I've read mixed with stories and life experiences. That said, I have several blog posts coming soon inspired by my summer adventures.

Blessings,
Tiffany Raye