Reflections - Senior Banquet - Hidden retreat

Let me begin by saying that I have shirked my blogging responsibilities long enough. I'm no longer allowed to use school as an excuse for not writing, so I'd like to start a blogging series. Reflections. I have no idea how many I will write, or what they will all be on. I only know that I'm going to use this as an opportunity to spend a lot of time reflecting on what God has done in my life throughout the past four years. This post may be long, but stick with me. Without further adieu...

Tonight was the senior banquet at my home church for the last eight years. Pastor Jerry began by saying that we should think back for a significant snapshot on our time in WSM. I don't consider myself an overly emotional person; the exception is when I start talking about significant memories. when the nostalgia drops in, my face turns red, I get that tense squeezing in the back of my throat, my voice shakes, and the tears flow. For this reason, I remained stuck to my seat, knowing that I couldn't possibly make it through without crying, and that even if I could, I would be speaking far too long. Knowing that I would regret not sharing what this meant to me, I chose to blog it instead. What flashes through my mind isn't one definite snapshot, it's more like an entire lesson series that my mind remembered in snapshots. Daughter of the King girls retreat in 2012 - HIDDEN. Safe. Secure. Adored.

Through not getting into much big trouble growing up, I felt like I didn't have a deep reason to be there, other than a good time with some ladies. I was mistaken. 
High school for me - and I daresay for plenty of others as well - was a time when everything has a way of making life confusing or difficult. Arguments with parents make you feel worthless. Crushes consume your mind and have a way of making you feel undesirable. Bad grades or bad games can make you feel good for nothing. Being mocked or ignored by the peers you admire leads you into a vicious cycle of conforming and self-loathing. Media paints beauty to be an airbrushed picture we will never mirror. I personally, have been weighed down by every single one of these things. It seems like they are always following me. I'll work and triumph over one problem, only to have three more problems rear their vicious heads. 
The proud person I become when I live without Jesus is convinced that I can conquer things alone if only I am determined enough. Inconceivable! It is with Him I have ever accomplished anything. 
The entire retreat focused on removing any and all masks we wore. One of the several masks I wore was strength: taking pride in doing everything myself, and hiding my faults because admission to sin shows weaknesses.

All through the worship, the slideshow, and the memories other students and leaders shared tonight, my mind kept going back to one particular part of the retreat. 
Around lunch time the second day, I got a phone call from my mom who told me that she missed and loved me, then confronted me about something I did, that she had stood very firmly against. My heart had pounded plenty of other times growing up, but nothing like this. For the first time in my life, I was in BIG kind of trouble. Hanging up the phone I felt terrorized. And having the tunnel vision of a high school teenage girl, I felt like my life was going to end the minute I got home. I felt like a failure. 
I went through the day pretending everything was dandy, sometimes even getting distracted, but then I would remember and my heart would drop again. Finally, at the evening session during worship, God broke the barricades I had built around myself. Helplessly and hopelessly, I let go of the walls. My hands stretched wide. Praising my maker with everything in me, I let the pent up tears flow freely. 
As we found our seats, Bekah reminded us to "let it flow!" because God catches every single one of our tears, whether it be in a cute little jar, or a huge vat. She tells us the get ready, because each of our fathers were asked to write us a letter with three words describing their daughter on the envelope to be read out loud. My dad isn't the kind to write spontaneous letters, so this meant a lot to me. 
I remember my name being the second called, and having trouble seeing the stairs through my watery eyes...finding a place to sit and read my letter... having trouble reading more than a few words at a time because I could barely see through the flood of tears that had previously become so foreign to me... sitting there both overwhelmed by my parents love, and feeling atrocious at the thought of them being disappointed in me... Sarah, on of the pastors wives I didn't even know glancing over at me as she walked in and stopping to ask if she could give me a hug... then the young lady I went with seeing my face and also giving me a hug. Knowing that we didn't need to say anything, we sat together in silent support, grateful for the gift of Christian fellowship. 

All of this to say that God is sovereign, and knows exactly what needs to happen and when. I left feeling adored by my Heavenly Father. I felt secure in knowing that no matter what I ever did He would always adore me. Though still nervous, I felt safe in facing my parents because I knew that they loved me and no matter the outcome I was secure in knowing I was adored by my God, and forever hidden in His love as a Daughter of the King.

My frame was not hidden from You, 

When I was made in secret, 

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Psalm 139:15

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the LORD, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away. 

Jeremiah 29:11-14

Psalm 21 and 91

You are my hiding place;

You shall preserve me from trouble;

You shall surround me with songs of deliverance.

Psalm 32:7

Favorite Winter Things

Being cozy inside and drinking coffee while reading or watching movies

Thanksgiving and Christmas
Making, smelling, and eating lots of food

Bright, cheery lights and the smell of freshly cut Christmas trees

Being the first to walk in freshly fallen snow

Fuzzy socks and flannel pj’s

Wrapping presents and imagining someone’s face as the open them

Surprises and opening presents

Arranging all the Christmas cards in one spot so they can all be seen

Cute scarves and soft sweaters

Friends, family, and laughter

Sledding and being silly, then the feeling of warming up by fireplaces

Perfect snowflakes that land on the window or on your eyelashes

Baking and making the whole house smell good
Going ice skating

Summer Thoughts

So many thoughts drift through my mind as I begin this post, each one tumbling over another, begging to be put to words. Thoughts of all that happened over this summer tied with imaginings of what God has in my future. I don't remember there ever being a season in my life in which I've learned so much.

This summer I went on a mission trip to San Quintin, Mexico then stayed ten days in Temecula, California. Both such stark contrasts to each other, I kept finding my focus drifting to various thoughts about why some people are more "blessed" than others and why everyone can't have both the beautiful friendships of Mexico all inside the wonderful comforts of a typical California home. Why do so many Americans continue on complaining about their first world problems such as not having the pocket change to fix the scratch in their Mercedes while only a five hour car ride going south to a place where people would love to have any kind of car at all! Despite me and my scattered thoughts of life's injustices, God continued to show me that no matter what, He always provides. Not in the same way for everybody, but always He provides, so often with more than enough.

Picture I took in Tadoussac, Canada along the St Lawrence

I want to tell you about everything all at once! As I struggle to continue putting my thoughts of the summer and what happened into words I pause to examine why I desire to put what I feel into words. Why I want so desperately to share with you the experiences that made up my summer. Maybe because I'm the kind of person who thinks good things are meant to be shared. Perhaps it's because I want to share my experiences with you so that you might learn from them. Or maybe even it's because I myself understand things better when put to words. Whatever the reason for my desire to write, God reminded me that in the big scheme of things my words don't even matter; His words matter! No matter what pictures I paint, or sounds I play with my words, they are just noise if His love is not included in them. (1 Corinthians 13) So being successfully knocked off my self-righteous pedestal built by selfish ego I am on my knees in prayer begging God to let you see not me in these words but that you'd see a mirror reflecting my Creator. It is so easy to get caught up in all the "good things" we are doing and completely forget about why we are doing them in the first place. I don't want to forget that the focus of everything I do should be on showing and experiencing God's love.

Honored as I am that you made time to read my silly ramblings I pray you make time to read God's word. Anything I write is simply my commentary on what I've read mixed with stories and life experiences. That said, I have several blog posts coming soon inspired by my summer adventures.

Blessings,
Tiffany Raye

Because this life isn't about me

Life is not about you. There. I said it. Life is about far more than that scratch on your car, that guy/girl that's being difficult, or that overtime you didn't get paid for. Life is about far more. In fact, if you step back (wayyy back) you'll see that the things that we get all hung up on don't mean much of anything at all. 

I don't know about you but this image makes me feel guilty about complaining that my clothes weren't in style anymore. Even more guilty about those times I had complained about being hungry and not liking the food my mother put in front of me. Guilty about saying that my life sucked and I wished for different; these children would do anything to have the life I seemed to hate so much. Should you feel guilty if you were born into a life that is so blessed? "Where I was born and where and how I have lived is unimportant. It is what I have done with where I have been that should be of interest.” ~ D.L. Moody "Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away." Matthew 5:42 
"Why in the world would I want to help them? It's not like they can do anything for me." "Because this life is not about me."

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 If you woke up tomorrow with only what you thanked God for yesterday, what would you have? 

My desire and sincere goal is to show how thankful I am for God's blessings by giving and loving everyone I meet, in every way I can, in every moment I am given. It can be difficult but I want to love not just my friends and those who can benefit me but everybody. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Matthew 5:43-47

He always answers

I've heard people say that God doesn't answer their prayers. That God has forgotten about them or thinks they are not important enough to bother with.

God died for you. On a cross. I promise that no matter who you are, He adores you.

And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive. Matthew 21:22 I've misunderstood this verse many times to mean that if I were to ask God for a car He would have one in my driveway or that if I asked Him for a boyfriend I would have one the next day. Because God loves me so much, He won't give me something that will harm me, even if I beg Him for it. He has a plan bigger than what I can see and often my silly little human wants do not fit into that plan.

You have just taken a tray of cookies out of the oven and your four-year-old son Elijah gets excited and reaches for one. You would obviously tell Elijah no because you know he will get burned if you give him a cookie now. But he doesn't understand that the cookies are hot; he wants a cookie now. Little Elijah may cry and say that you don't love him. Maybe he'll say that you're a mean mommy or daddy but in truth, you told him no because you know more than he does. You didn't tell Elijah no because you want to keep all the cookies to yourself; you said no because you don't want him to get hurt. You told him no because you cared enough.

We, as children of God ask for "cookies" all the time. We think our prayers are being ignored or that maybe God doesn't love us. But that is not the case. God may not have dropped a new car in your driveway this morning, or transformed your ranch home into a colonial mansion-that doesn't mean He hasn't heard your prayers or that He doesn't love you. In fact it's exactly the opposite! He loves you so much that He sometimes tells you no. We, as children of God, have somebody to look out for us when we want things that will harm us. We, as children of God often mistake His love and lose faith in Him.

I and many others have done this but take heart for God has not abandoned you. Your prayers are being heard and whether the answer is that wonderful yes, or a no you don't want to hear... rest assured that as long as you earnestly seek Him, He is orchestrating something beautiful that will bless you and bring Him to greater glory in your life. He always answers prayers so rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Wait on Him and His timing...He could be waiting for the cookies to cool so He can give them to you next to a glass of milk-or in my case coffee.

In Him,

Tiffany Raye

Wearing My Heart on My... Hand?

"Are you married?"

"No, I'm not."

"So why do you have a ring on your wedding finger?"

"Umm.. well, I uh..."

This is a conversation I've had on many an occasion with the curious first graders I volunteer with. Such a simple question I could answer so many ways. Usually I answer with something like: "I wear it on my ring finger because my future prince is that important to me."

However, here is a more elaborate version:

My purity ring represents not only a promise I made to my future Prince Charming(guys: Cinderella), but, in a way it also represents my heart. Although it has met some hard times, and has gotten scratched and bruised; it's still all there. Whole. Here's a mental picture: if I were to give in to temptation now it would be like cutting a piece of my ring out and throwing it away. Cutting a piece of my ring out would be foolish simply because it would become sharp and poke at me. Just like cutting a piece of my heart out would be foolish because it too would become sharp and hurt at me. To be completely honest, giving your heart to someone you think is "the one" at seventeen is a silly thing to do: even sillier when you change your mind and re-give what's left of your heart to the next "the one" two weeks later.

Think about what kind of reaction you would get if you took the piece of your ring that you cut out and gave it to the same person you gave the piece of your heart to. Would they value it and say, "Oh thanks! I'll treasure it forever!"

Or would they say, "Wow, how useless." and simply throw it away. Even though it's not all that meaningful to them, it sure hurts you.

If you asked me, "What if I've already given away these pieces? Can't I get them back?"

I would have to tell you no. You can't get them back. And even if you did, all you'd have is pieces. However, in all this gloominess there is hope. God came to the earth and died on the cross representing a heart/body so beaten and cut it was unrecognizable. By doing this, He built a bridge to God-the Master Jeweler/Heart Mender. Although God won't bestow on you a new heart, He will help you put all the pieces back together (because in Him you are made new.Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.2 Corinthians 5:17 . But only if you're willing to give up control and let Him do His perfect work. He will also help your future Prince Charming/Cinderella look past your past, and love you for the precious person you are. If this person doesn't want to be with you because of your past, he doesn't really love you. If this is the case, you should wait patiently until God sees it right to introduce you to you real Prince/Princess. "I charge you brethren, do not awaken love until it so desires." This is so important, God wrote it not once, not twice, but three times in Song of Solomon.

I pray that my ramblings mean something to you; and if you read this all the way through, thank you. :) If you ever have a topic you'd like me to write about, leave a comment!! And if you don't want me to know who's asking, write to me anonymously!

In Him,

Tiffany Raye

Before You Meet Prince Charming

A friend of mine started a purity study for a couple friends and one of the things we did was write example letters. Here is mine:

~I feel so lonely. All of my friends have boyfriends. I'm trying to get guys' attention by texting, Facebooking, and emailing them. But I still don't have a boyfriend. Doesn't anybody notice me?~

~I just want you to know right now that I'm hurting for you! It's not easy or fun to be ignored.

First things first, you need to remember that God has designated someone special just for you. And that God will put you together when He is good and ready. God is never late, but he is not often early.

Secondly: even though it seems like all your friends are on their way to the ark the way they are paired up, it's okay to be single. Right after you accept Jesus you are complete in Him. You don't need someone else to "complete" you. The bible says "the two shall become one", not "the two halves shall become whole".

Last, but not least: the guy God made for you will love you for who you are. He doesn't need help noticing you, God will point you out to Him. Just as God will point out your prince to you.

Now, to elaborate on the pre-stated points: God designed someone special just for you. There are song lyrics that say And what if your prince comes riding in/While you're kissin' a frog /What's he gonna think then? Until then, get to know a lot of people in groups-not as potential dates, but as friends. You never know who God has planned for you. He could be someone you've known since preschool. If that's the case, do you really want him to stand by and watch as you chase all the boys in your social group? And if you meet him for the first time in college, do you want all the memories of past boyfriends to come to mind while you're with your new friend?

Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 - I want you to be free from anxieties... the unmarried woman is anxious about the things of the LORD, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things... I say this for your benefit, not to lay a restraint on you but to promote your undivided devotion to the LORD. Besides what Paul said, God has called us to be "set apart" so purpose in your heart to be different.

You know how when you're looking for something and you can't find it so you give up. That's when you find it. In a way, that's how you should think about princes and boyfriends. I'd also like to point out that while there's nothing "wrong" with having a boyfriend in high school; there's nothing really "right" with it either. I'm not telling you that you can't have a boyfriend in high school, because that's not my business. However, I don't recommend dating the entire basketball team looking for one. Simply keep your mind on the LORD and all other things will fall into place. Paul said in Philippians 4 - I have learned in whatsoever state I am, to be content. I know it's hard, but be patient.

Basically, you should wait on God because his timing is perfect. Purpose in you heart to be "set apart" and Focus on God no matter what. God is way more fulfilling than having a boyfriend anyway.~

The song quote is from "Princes and Frogs" by Superchick. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfYNi9WRJb8

I know that this is prob not much use to anyone who reads this and is already married, but I really enjoyed writing this and if it get's a good response, I have something else I could post that is similar to this.

In Him,

Tiffany Raye